There are some pretty dumb criminals floating around this old world.

Take the one that decided to rob a man coming out of a stall in a men's room in a Pennsylvania hotel. Turns out the victim was a retired police chief attending a police officer's convention. There were 3oo narcotics officers from all over Pennsylvania and Ohio at the gathering. John Comparetto gave up his money and cell phone but when the 19-year old thief tried to flee, dozens of Comparetto's colleagues chased him down as he was trying to get away in a taxi. When caught, the genius bandit commented, "I'm smooth." Not!

And then there's the story about another brilliant culprit who got busted robbing a Chinese restaurant where four police officers were enjoying their lunch. This moron walks right in, opens the cash register and helps himself. Chinese fast food joints aren't exactly the Bank of America's of the restaurant industry. At $4 a pop for a meal, how much cash can be in the register? Not only is the food cheap, but you want seconds even after you've consumed the first round of diarrhea-bound morsels So the owner yells for help and the officers chase the suspect down on foot. Doesn't say much for Billy the Kid's stamina when four pot-bellied cops full of moo goo gui pan can run you down.

Who says no one goes to the library anymore? People who still think reading Hustler qualifies as reading and pronounce the word as "liberry." Police caught a thief who left his library card at the scene, according to Associated Press. The thief left his "liberry" card at the scene because he was using it to jimmy open the store's lock. Why not? It's not like he was using it for, oh say, reading. The store reported four cases of beer missing. Something tells me they are still missing and presumed tasty.

A postal worker got charged with stealing gold which he was supposed to deliver. This idiot made the mistake of pawning it at the same pawn show which melted it down for a business in Ann Arbor, Michigan. The jeweler at the pawn shop recognized it and also easily identified the postal worker who showed up in uniform with a name tag. Duh.

A customer at a drive-through window of a Wendy's apparently didn't have enough cash on him to pay the bill. So he offers to pay for the order in marijuana. The cashier refused and called the cops with a description of the vehicle. Cops later busted him for the dope. He'd have been better off just fleeing the scene with his $3.00 bag of burgers.

A 25-year-old man in Utah decided he wanted to get to Washington to see his mother for Christmas. Not having a car, he hopped into a $500,000 fire truck, blew the air horn and tried to drive away. The fire fighters ran out to see what was happening. He put up a big fight, but they were finally able to subdue him. He never made it to Washington for Christmas, but mommy came to visit him in a Utah jail. I guess the ends do justify the means.

The police had no trouble finding our next thief. When he used a stolen credit card to buy some cigars, he signed his own name on the receipt. Later he tried to buy some merchandise at a store, but the card came up as stolen. When asked for some identification, he presented his own driver's license.

You really have to wonder about this one. Why would a thief break into a courthouse? I guess when you're drunk, your judgment is a little off, to say the least. This guy pries open the sliding door to the courthouse and breaks into the safe in the lobby. The only problem was that it's an antique safe and there was nothing in it. It was there only for display. In fact, it wasn't locked because the lock was broken. He was caught when he again tried to pry open to door to get out. He was back inside the same courthouse a few hours later where he was arraigned on a charge of second degree burglary.

A man in Texas left his car running outside while he robbed a drug store of Zanax and hydrocodine. He ran outside to his get away car only to discover that he had locked the keys inside in the ignition.

And finally, this guy walks into the corner store with a gun, planning to rob it. He demanded all the money in the till. The cashier put the money into a bag, as the robber instructed him to. The robber then demanded the bottle of Scotch he saw behind the counter. But the cashier wouldn't give it to him because he said he didn't believe the robber was over 21. The robber pulled out his driver's license to prove it and the cashier gave him the Scotch. After the robber left, the cashier called the police with the man's name and address. He was arrested soon after.