As folks were settling into their First Class seats, an animated conversation was overheard with a passenger who was traveling with his beautiful but pretentious wife. Sitting across from them was a Middle Easterner.

Being of Lebanese descent, I realize that some of the customs of Middle Easterners are not exactly acceptable in America. Impressed with the beauty of his fellow passenger’s wife, the gentleman from the Middle East offered him 100 camels for the woman.

After a long silence, the husband declared “She’s not for sale.” The wife was indignant. “What took you so long to answer?” she demanded. The husband replied, “I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.”

Such is some of the humor you bump into when you fly a lot. Some of the most unusual humor comes from the flight attendants themselves, who have to trudge through that “in-flight safety lecture.” I have heard some zingers.

"There may be fifty ways to leave your lover, but there are only six ways out of this airplane..."

"Your seat-cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

"We do feature a smoking section on this flight. If you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane."

Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head attendant announced on the intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft."

Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight."

As a Delta plane landed and was coming to a stop in Maui, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses. Last one off the plane must clean it."

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Orlando: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault.....it was asphalt!"

After one particular hard landing, an elderly lady next to me asked the pilot as we were deplaning, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Airlines to Dallas. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."