Okay…. so I'm grumpy. Surprise, surprise. It's not like this just happened. Matter of fact, I've been grumpy most of my life. If Dale Earnhardt, Jr., Tiger Woods or the Orlando Tragic isn't winning… I am grumpy.

Let's define my namesake "Grumpy." Grumpy managers and parents like to see things running smoothly and they value competence, efficiency and fast results. Grumpy leaders charge others with getting the job done. They have little tolerance for those who don't, which drives my insurance sales force to quickly attest.

I question things normal people never consider. For instance, why are most golfers right handed and why does it seem that most Presidents were left handed? I'll get back to you on that one.

As a classic Grumpy person, I suffer from a psychological trait known as "oppositional reflex." You say yes; I say no. You say black; I say white. You say day; I say night. As a manager, it's part of my job to be a Devil's Advocate. My salesmen think I'm the Devil himself. I tell my guys, if I quit checking up on you, look out. You're in the sunset of your career here. It's my job to check up on you.

I told my kids the same thing when they were growing up. It's a parent's job to check on their kids. It's called parenting and there's precious little of it going on today. Too many parents want to be their kids best friends. I tell my sales staff and my kids: "If you want a friend, buy a dog. I'm not here to be your friend."

We Grumpy types often avoid expressing our real thoughts and feelings because we're too busy arguing. And yes, we tend to fight over leadership roles in a group and we overpower others. Any strength, overused, becomes a weakness. I know that; tell the little man in my head to back off and you'll get an instant fight. Deep down, Grumpy is actually afraid of not being liked and really wants to be viewed as a good guy. Grumpy desperately needs attention, loves group activities and asserts independence.

Part of Grumpy's problem is those strengths often kick in and take over. We Grumpy types are take-charge people, self-confident and aggressive. It makes us demanding and rigid, which causes a lot of stress when things don't go Grumpy's way. As a consequence, we tend to devalue others and forget their value to us.

There are many Grumpy examples which one could use as a reference. There's Grumpy the Dwarf in Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. As a Grumpy, I can't help but raise the question: why were there only seven Dwarfs? I'll have to get back to you on that one.

Let's not forget the Grumpy Old Men movie series, another grumpy example. Jack Lemon and Walter Matthau were so grumpy they were actually lovable, which interestingly is one of Grumpy's goals- to be liked by others. And why didn't they make a movie called Grumpy Old Women? Oh wait… they did, First Wives Club.

Why are most of us men Grumpy and most women tolerant? Maybe it's a male-female thing. Let me get back to you on that one too.

This whole column isn't making a lot of sense, is it? I'm a Grumpy tourist because I hate airplanes. And driving isn't much more fun because my loving wife never met a rest area she didn't like to visit. I can drive 475 miles from Orlando to my former home in Lexington, SC without having to stop for anything but gas.

I'm a Grumpy shopper too. My patient wife will visit 17 stores and price 138 items for something she might purchase two years from now. Me? If it's reasonably close in size, color and shape-- bag it and tag it. I'm out of here. I've actually done Christmas shopping in twenty minutes on a Christmas Eve and gotten rave reviews for buying just the right present for the recipient. Grumpy people don't like to wait, and we hate the whole thing called shopping.

Why do you think men love the remote control so much? We don't have patience for anything, including advertising and crappy television. Why do you think we watch Dirty Harry and Die Hard for the zillionth time? We know we're going to get a good story and Clint Eastwood or Bruce Willis is going to blow something up. Yeah, I'm Grumpy. Get over it.