Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year. I've never missed a Halloween with my family and now that I have a beautiful new pumpkin for a granddaughter, I'm even more motivated to be there this year. But it won't be easy.

I have a speech in Seattle, Washington on October 30 and I'll fly all night against the time zones in order to be back home on the big day, but it will be worth it. Little Ashley Elizabeth will be dressed in her favorite pumpkin outfit and we'll have a ball.

I actually celebrate Halloween every Sunday. I drive my Priest crazy because I hand out bags of candy at Mass during the sign of peace ceremony, which explains why there are in inordinate number of kids that sit on my side of the church.

The candy buys their silence during Mass, so the good Padre ought to be grateful for my gesture. Let's face it; kids aren't exactly lining up to hear his boring Homily. Every kid that has ever gone to any church is there under duress. They would rather be at home watching cartoons, so my contribution is designed to make the church going experience a little more pleasant for the little ones.

It's time for my annual list of stupid Halloween riddles. Here goes:

How do monsters tell their future? The read their horrorscope. What do you get when you cross a werewolf with a vampire? A fur-coat that fangs around your neck. Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately.

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal? Boo-berries. What's a vampire's favorite sport? Casketball. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite. Why do witches fly on brooms? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.

What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee? A boo-boo. What is Dracula's favorite kind of coffee? Decoffinated. What's a baby ghost's favorite game? Peek-a-boo. What did one ghost say to the other ghost? "Do you believe in people?"

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A cereal killer. Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? They're too wrapped up in themselves. What type of dog do vampires like best? Bloodhounds.

Why do vampires need mouthwash? They have batbreath. What's a vampire's favorite fast food? A guy with very high blood pressure. What kind of car does a ghost drive? A Boo-ick. Why did the ghost pick his nose? To get rid of the boogers.

Why wasn't the vampire working? He was on a coffinbreak. What does the child monster call her parents? Mummy and Deady. Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? At bootiques.

What ride do spirits like best at the amusement park? The roller ghoster. What fairy tale do ghosts like best? Sleeping booty. What kind of spirits work on airplanes? Airline ghostesses. What is a vampire's favorite ice cream? Veinilla. What did the vampires order at the bar? Two bloods and a blood lite. Why was the mummy so tense? He was all wound up.

What do goblins mail home while on vacation? Ghostcards. What do baby ghosts wear on their feet? Boo-ties. What's a monster's favorite food? Ghoulscout cookies. What's a vampire's favorite candy? A sucker. When does a ghost eat breakfast? In the moaning. Why is a ghost such a messy eater? Because he was always a goblin. What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? It's a pain in the neck.

And my personal favorite… Why did the vampire subscribe to the Lexington Chronicle? He heard it had great circulation.