Every fall, I have the privilege of doing play-by-play announcing for Pop Warner football in Harmony, Florida, and every fall I get ripped by some angry parent because I mispronounced the name of their kid. Fair enough. I admit that I am not the brightest light on the string. However, it begs the question, why would a parent hang some of these monikers on their kids?

Unless you choose to change it, you are stuck with your last name. Far be it from me to make fun of anybody else’s last name. When you have a moniker like “Aun” your margin for error is pretty slim. I have heard all the jokes: “Right Aun” and “is the mic Aun?” Bad-da-boop! I was born with that last name so I am stuck with it by birth.

A good question to ask is why would Tom Cruise name his kid Suri? And what about the poor kid Jaycee Dugard who was allegedly abducted by Phillip Garrido? She has finally been returned to her family, but what would possess a parent to name their kid after a civic group? I was thinking… what if I had named my twin sons Sertoma and Kiwanas and my third boy, Toastmasters? Sertoma Aun?

So when a parent gives me grief because I do not recognize Mykel as a new way of spelling Michael, they get in my face. And how would you pronounce Nikkolouas? I assume it is a 50-cent handle for Nick. One of the parents actually named his son “Sir.” Okay, at least I can pronounce that.

The most sensitive parents are the mothers of the Cheer Squads. I see the name Taylor a lot nowadays. Taylor could be used for either a boy or a girl name. I was in the “liquid library” the other day (you know, the head) and the closest reading material was my wife’s People magazine. As I was thumbing through, I learned that Taylor Swift was dating Taylor Lautner. I have never heard of either of these people so I am not sure which one is the guy and which is the gal. It occurred to me, if they get married and decide to name their kid Taylor, who would they be naming it after? I guess the tie-breaker goes to the last name, huh?

The mom that got the angriest was a lady from visiting Avalon Park. She could not understand why I could not pronounce Dalmarylis correctly. It turns out that it is long for Mary… and I was supposed to figure that out … how?

And then there was the father who got upset because I left off the Roman numeral after his kid’s name, Joseph Thorton, VIII. He assured me he would not sue if I would call him simply “the great eight.” Go ahead, sue me.

And then there are the stars of one Harmony Longhorn teams whose last names were Ferkel and Sterkel. Sounds like Wall Street law firm.

The names get tougher each year… Chioneso, Talisheiah, Alyssee, Caralione, Corinna, Jaidaheou, Layla-Jada (LJ for short). Why not just call her LJ?

Some parents insist on the announcer using a nickname. Unfortunately, Pop Warner rules require them to submit an official roster with official names, and if the kid has a $50 name like Bartholomew, I can’t suddenly rename him “mad dog” no matter how many times his dad pounds on the press box door.

There is nothing wrong with a kid with the last name Robert, but why complicate his life by naming him Robert Robert. My spell-check on my computer is going crazy as I try to write this column. You will not believe all the underlined words.

One of my all time favorites was a kid named Cameron Hartfield-Sullemun-Hixenbugh. Every time this kid ran the ball I was screwing his name up. His father arrived at the press box mid way during the first quarter to advise me to just call him Bo. I had to ask, “why Bo?” Turns out that Hixenbugh is actually pronounced Hix-en-BO’. “And Bo skirts around the right end and it’s no-go-for-Bo as he is stopped dead in his tracks.”

Another mistake is to nick-name some kid you know. A family friend has a kid name Austin so I nick-named him “Awesome Austin.” The next week the family shows up with tee-shirts with “Awesome Austin” emblazed on the back. The family was pleased but other parents could not understand why I would not refer to their kid as “mad dog” or “killer” or “Jake-the-snake” or “Cracker Harry.” Sometimes you can not win when you have a microphone in your hand.