Most fraternal insurance advisors have done a good job over the years encouraging their clients to get a will, and where necessary, a Revocable Living Trust. Other important documents that are part of the process include a Health Care Surrogate Agreement, a Durable Power of Attorney, a Living Will, and, if necessary, an Irrevocable Trust.

Fraternal Insurance Counsellors have excellent programming tools that advise the client on how much insurance they should have to take care of their family in the event of death. So we're going a good job. Right? Maybe…maybe not.

I think we can go a step further and help the client not just prepare for death but bring closure to their family by utilizing something called an Ethical Will.

A Minneapolis Medical Doctor was trying to find a way to help his patients say goodbye to loved ones, so he conceptualized the design of an Ethical Will.

An Ethical Will is not a legal document. In fact, it doesn't even have to be a document. It can be a video or audio recording. It's a last love letter or statement to people you care about.

Ethical Wills are a way to share your values, blessings, life's lessons, hopes, dreams for the future, love and forgiveness with your family, friends, community and business associates.

In May of 2006, I had the privilege of speaking at the National Association of Fraternal Insurance Counsellors annual meeting in Las Vegas on the topic of Ethical Wills.

I first learned of Ethical Wills through my attorney, Kenneth Wheeler, who had helped me with a couple of trusts and put the final touches on my own estate planning. He recommended that I do my own Ethical Will.

Ethical Wills are not new. The Hebrew Bible first described Ethical Wills 3000 years ago (Genesis Ch. 49). References to this tradition are also found in the Christian Bible (John Ch. 15-18) and in dozens of other cultures. Initially, Ethical Wills were transmitted orally. Over time, they evolved into written documents. While they are not legal, they may be one of the most cherished and meaningful gifts you can leave your family and community. Ethical Wills visit a number of issues:

1. How do you want to be remembered?
2. How will your story be told and remembered if you do not tell it?
3. How will you identify what you value and stand for?
4. How will your great, great grandchildren know who you were and what you stood for, how you got here and how you came to be and do what you do?

Ethical Wills are a healthy way to bring closure in life, both for those of us who survive the loss of loved ones and those of us who want to say goodbye to those we love. Many people in the medical community now recommend that the terminally ill author such a document. It helps them with many issues:

1. Coming to terms with our own mortality.
2. Providing as sense of completion to our lives.
3. Saying goodbye to those you love and those who love you.
4. Forgiving others and asking forgiveness of others.
5. In short, completing the circle.

For more help on understanding Ethical Wills, go to http://www.ethicalwill.com and you will be able to actually witness sample Ethical Wills written by people from all walks of life.

Why bring up these issues to NAFIC and to life insurance professionals? The answer to that question is a question itself. How do you know what you want to be when you grow up if you don't know how and why you wanted to be it in the first place? Solve the second part and the first part comes much easier.

When you help a client conceptualize this "last goodbye" to loved ones, it helps get them to crystallize their own thinking the significance of their life and how they want their loved ones to remember them. We have been able to get clients to purchase substantial amounts of insurance to fund the things they care about.

THREE BENEFICIARIES TO YOUR ESTATE

There are only three beneficiaries to your estate:

1- Family
2- Charity
3- The government.

In my nearly three and one-half decades in the insurance business, no client has ever ranked them any differently, with the exception of two people who had no family survivors. NO ONE has ever put the government down number one, but lack of planning can move the government up on the food chain.

BETTER GOALS

When you get a client to resolve their thinking about their values, it helps them to set better goals for themselves. In the Bible, there's a line I like that goes like this: "If the eye be single, the body is full of life. If the eye be evil, the body is full of darkness." What that tells me is that if the client is focused on what they want in life, achieving it is a lot easier, i.e. the goal is "full of life."

Ethical Wills are important for another reason. Many medical professionals are now suggesting the process of Ethical Wills to their dying patients who are having problems bringing closure to their situation.

For the lack of a better description, an Ethical Will is a last love letter to the people you love and care about. Not only have I written my own Ethical Will, but I plan to video tape it and have it shown at my funeral celebration. Why not say goodbye in person?

In February of 2003, I had a stomach by-pass. Almost 15% of the people who go through this surgery have significant problems, many of which end in death. It occurred to me to do my own Ethical Will before the surgery in case I experienced a similar fate. So I sat down and wrote the following and I share it with you as an example of what this type of instrument should say:

Michael A. Aun
Ethical Will
February 17, 2003

As I contemplated my death, I don't feel the least bit cheated in my life. I have enjoyed the company of the famous people and the unknown.

I've been privileged to be in the company of a Pope and a President. Some would feel cheated that life had ended so quickly. I do not.

What I will miss is not seeing my children grow old and get married and have children and grandchildren of their own.

What I will miss is not growing old with the most important person in my life, my wife Christine.

I am far from perfect and have many times been selfish. I'm selfish about the unconditional love provided by my sons, Cory, Jason and Christopher.

They love me in spite of my frailties, shortcomings and frustrations in life.

I have always sought to be the best at everything I do. To be the best is a worthy goal but is rarely achieved.

If I had it to do over again, I'd worry more about being the best person I could be rather than being the best of the best.

I would be kinder to Cory, Jason, Christopher and Christine - the people who loved me the most.

I have tried to provide my sons with a decent education and a good home.

I have no doubts that all of them are tremendous young men, not so much because of me, but because of the tremendous upbringing that their mother provided.

Christine is the primary reason they are the wonderful people they are.

Cory, if I could choose a friend in life, it would be a person like you. You are loyal and kind to everyone you meet. Your unconditional love is infectious.

I hope you and Casey have a long and loving life together. I hope you continue on your path to be a successful life insurance agent with the Knights of Columbus. They need caring and honorable men like you.

Jason, you have been a teacher and a mentor in my life. You have taught me much about computers and technical things, but more importantly, you have taught me the meaning of self-discipline.

I was once asked if I could give any gift to my children, "what would it be?" It would be the tremendous gift of self-discipline. It turns out you have given me that gift. Thank you.

With self-discipline, one can accomplish anything they choose to in life. You have mastered this trait. I hope you reach your goal of making the Olympics.

Christopher, your unconditional love of others is your greatest attribute. You have always cared about others more than yourself.

You may not recall it, but I once asked you about one of your friends. I asked why you befriended this particular child and your response: "dad, everybody needs a friend."

The student became the teacher that day. I learned from you that day, though you were not even a teenager yet.

Cory, Jason and Christopher, I want you to take good care of your mother now that I cannot be here to do that.

I've tried to make sure there are enough funds to allow you all to live comfortably, now that my income is gone.

This is what I do for a living, provide insurance for my clients to do what they would have done had they been here to do it.

I consider my life's work with the Knights of Columbus the most honorable thing that a man could do for a living - - I help fulfill people's dreams.

Now that I am no longer here to provide for all of you, my insurance and investments will take over nicely.

As I anticipate death, my sadness is in leaving all of you. I will miss you all. You have been far kinder to me than I deserve.

Christine, you have been the most important person in my life. You have been there for me most of my adult life. You have stood by me through our toughest years and in our saddest times.

I always hated leaving home on a trip, but was always cheered by your love notes you would hide in my luggage.

While I hated being away, your voice always had a musical tone when I would call home to check in.

You have loved me far beyond my greatest expectations and certainly more than I deserved.

I could never be half the man you deserved, but I've always tried to be all that I could be.

Despite my faults, you have loved me unconditionally. You are such a special human being. You care so much more for others than you do yourself. You've always put other's needs ahead of your own. Your loyalty and devotion never wavered. You deserved so much more, but I gave you my best.

As I write this, my heart aches at the thought of no longer being involved in your lives. I need not worry about any of you though. I know that Cory, Jason and Christopher will always be there for their mother, and that Christine will always be there to counsel you and guide you along life's path.

Whatever you all choose to do in life, do it with enthusiasm and good spirit. You will work the large majority of your life; chose a career that gives you satisfaction and allows you to grow and prosper.

Choose a mate in the likeness of your mother and you will have chosen a wonderful person. But never measure your mate by your mother for she could never rise to that level nor should she.

Choose a career that gives you the freedom to pursue the great things you want to achieve in life, both professionally and personally. Remember, I never missed any of your athletic or academic events. Don't ever let your children take the field in any sport without you being there to support and care for them- both in victory and, most especially, in defeat. And remember, you will learn infinitely more from defeat that you will from victory. Learn from it- don't get good at it.

I hope that what I've provided for all of you will never require any of you to be dependent upon one another. But should the day ever come that one does need another, I would hope that the greatest gift you've been given is to reach out to that family member and do the right thing - take care of them.

Now I can lay my soul to rest knowing that the baton has been passed to the next generation. Make me proud!