Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Hurts

February 1st, 2012

Those of us who suffer from ADHD have often heard the official ADHD joke, as the internet describes it: “How many ADHD people does it take to screw in a light bulb?” Answer: “Do you want to ride bikes?”

The fact is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a very real problem for millions of us in society today. ADHD victims suffer from inattentiveness, over-activity and impulsivity. Sometimes there is a combination of all the above. The social scientists tell us that about 3%-5% of school aged children are affected.

And while it was initially thought that ADHD was largely a male syndrome, the fact is that more females are said to be saddled with the disorder today. In the eighties, ADHD was often dismissed in females and written off as a general lack of interest in certain academic endeavors.

Today the social scientists know a lot more about ADHD. Thanks to brain scans and lots of neuroscience, ADHD has largely been redefined by medical professionals. Different psychological disciplines still tend to view ADHD from different perspectives. There doesn’t seem to be a common agreement between the groups.

In simple layman terms, the forebrain and midbrain aren’t always on the same page with one another, leading the individual suffering from ADHD to make inconsistent decisions. In short, it leads to “brain mitigation,” as one therapist put it. ADHD people negotiate their circumstances entirely differently than other people. The information doesn’t sort out in the ADHD brain.

It’s often thought that ADHD individuals suffer from a lack of attention when in fact they actually suffer from paying too much attention to too many different things. Irrational behavior tends to be the result of their decision process– everything from forgetting to wear clothes and jewelry to mind wandering.

They often view the big stuff and the small stuff from a reverse pain perspective. For instance, they might laugh off a major health issue as an “owie” while something as small as a mosquito bite pushes them off the deep end. It’s not the big things that drive them nuts, it’s the small stuff.

A friend of mine once described it in terms that even I can understand. ADHD people hear, see and read things the way the old telegraph signals were sent. They only tend to get certain messages. They don’t always see and acknowledge the “big things.” They absorb limited information.

Too much information fogs their mind and does more to confuse them. They ultimately become inconsistent and often perplexed. Some studies say that 4.7% of all adults suffer from severe ADHD. Some social scientists put the number as high as 10% though it’s masked by some while others have it and simply don’t know it.

ADHD people tend to pay too much attention to details that others don’t see. It’s been said that our strengths, overused, can become our weaknesses.

The list of ADHD celebrities is long and illustrious from Grammy-winning singer Justin Timberlake to award winning actor and comic Robin Williams, who has two Emmy’s, four Golden Globes, two Screen Actors Guild and five Grammy Awards in addition to his Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor in the 1997 film Good Will Hunting.

As a comic, Williams would rattle off his humor so fast that he’d be on the fifth joke before you absorbed the first one. When he finally slowed down to let his audience catch up, he achieved stardom as a comic.

An ADHD individual can spout off instantly about their favorite movie but when you question them about the plot, they may have problems recalling even the basics, missing all the details that their so-called normal counterparts see and retain.

Many are brilliant but have no common sense because they are much better at “doing it” than they are at waiting for others to do it. They often suffer from something called “oppositional reflex.” You say yes, they say no. You say black, they say white. You say day, they say night. That comes off as contrarian in nature but it’s very much related to ADHD.

It leads them to feel paranoid about things and often drives them to a ready-fire-aim approach to life. In short, it hurts!

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TIPS – To Insure Proper Service

January 25th, 2012

I can remember the good ole days when I lived in Lexington, S.C. I used to go to Harmon’s Drug Store on Main Street in Lexington to enjoy an ice cream cone or on the rare occasion, a chocolate fudge sundae.

The late R.B. Harmon was the proprietor. He had a classical drug store with a magnificent edifice that served as a backdrop for the ice cream counter. Over a half century later, I can still vividly see it in my mind’s eye.

As children, we always gathered in the drug stores in those days. R.B. Harmon had ice cream in his establishment. Shepherd’s Drug Store, immediately across the street, had the widest array of magazines and the absolute best selection of sports magazines in all of Lexington. There were no malls to visit. Life was much simpler in those days and your choices were so limited.

Growing up, we were always taught to be polite and, when possible, tip the people who served you. While the tip on an ice cream sundae isn’t much, as the old saying goes, it’s the gesture that counts.

R.B. had a counter attendant, who was a widow, working in his store for a brief period of time. One of my friends who lived on what we called the “Mill Hill” came into the store one Saturday.

My buddies that lived on the “Mill Hill” did so because they were just as poor as we were. Their parents actually worked in the old mill on East Main Street of Lexington.

That Saturday morning, I observed an exchange between my “Mill Hill” friend and the counter attendant, who herself was most likely had to work doing anything possible to feed her family. My buddy asked, “How much is an ice cream sundae?” She replied “Fifty cents.”

My “Mill Hill” friend pulled his hand out of his pocket and counted his coins carefully, realizing that he couldn’t afford the ice cream sundae.

“Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?” he quietly asked. By now, more people were waiting for a service and I could tell the waitress was growing impatient. “Thirty-five cents,” she abruptly said.

My friend again counted his coins and finally ordered. “I’ll have the plain vanilla ice cream,” he said.

She brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. My friend finished the ice cream, paid R.B. Harmon and left to join me at my uncle’s grocery store to work alongside me as a bag boy for the day.

When the waitress came back to clean the area, she broke down and cried in front of a room full of people as she cleaned off the bar area where he had eaten his ice cream. My poor “Mill Hill” friend had placed two nickels and five pennies right next to his empty dish.

He couldn’t have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

So often in life we don’t take the time to thank people for the service they render. I spend a lot of time on air planes flying to and from speaking venues. I always make it a habit to go to the head flight attendant when I get on the plane and I ask them for the name and the address of their supervisor.

“Is there a problem sir?” No, it’s really a great day today. I simply want to write your supervisor a thank you note for the wonderful service I’m about to receive.

Laugh all you want. It works! I learned this from a poor “Mill Hill” buddy of mine when I was only ten years old. The word “TIPS” is actually an acronym. It stands for To Insure Proper Service.

I can’t tell you the dozens of times that the good folks at Delta Air Lines and others have literally upgraded me to First Class because I took the time to thank them for the service I was about to receive. I always wrote the note quickly, specifically, briefly and to the point. And to insure it got delivered to the right person, I always gave it to the attendant as I exited the plane. Try it; it works!

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What Other People Think About You is None Of Your Business

January 18th, 2012

Most people are concerned with what other people think about them. Conventional wisdom says to us that “It’s none of their business.” The truth is what someone thinks about you may be none of their business, but it is definitely none of YOUR business!

We’ve all done things in our lives that don’t make sense. I’m the poster boy for saying and doing things that I come to regret later. The question is why do we allow this to happen? The bumper sticker says it all- “Why do we do the things that we do when we know the things that we know?”

When I spoke to my daughter-in-law’s school back in December my presentation was, among other things, about making good choices. Middle school kids face enormous peer pressure from others and many times they make poor decisions. What other people think about you is none of your business!

All of us make poor choices from time to time and we have to pay for our mistakes. What causes someone to choose to do or say something that under any other circumstance they would never consider? One thing that social scientists and medical professionals now tell us could be the cause of this is bipolar disorder.

The truth is that bipolar disorder or manic-depressive disorder is not limited to middle school children. It mostly manifests itself from ages 15 to 25, but many people go most of their lives before discovering they suffer from it.

Some of the things that can trigger bipolar disorder include major life changes, i.e. a loss of a job, childbirth, death of a loved one, divorce and countless others. The disorder causes major mood swings in the mind of the individual and can lead to irrational behavior.

The famous sculptor, painter, architect and poet Michelangelo was said to be bipolar. He would lay on his back for days on end painting the Sistine Chapel in Rome, not even coming down to relieve himself.

The actor Russell Brand was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and manic depression after he kicked drugs in 2002. Perhaps it explained some of his almost superhuman indifference to chaos and catastrophe that almost ruined his life.

Television journalist Dick Cavett was another victim of the disorder as was Rosemary Clooney, singer and actress. Actor Richard Dreyfuss and actress Patty Duke also experienced it. The list goes on and on, including the likes of actor/director Mel Gibson, nurse and health campaigner Florence Nightingale, television hostess and journalist Jane Pauley, poet and writer Edgar Allen Poe, just to mention a few who have endured the disorder.

In short, the disorder has nothing to do with your age or stage in life or your level in society. People who suffer from this disorder are easily distracted and they have little need for sleep. They exercise poor judgment and irrational temper control.

Many experience reckless behavior and a lack of self control which manifest itself in binge eating, drinking or drug abuse, poor judgment, a promiscuous sex life and spending sprees, just to mention a few.

Their hyper activity and increased energy is hurried along by racing thoughts and talking a lot. They have a high self-esteem which leads to false beliefs about themselves and their abilities.

Since people who suffer from bipolar disorder have mood swings, they can be sad one moment and hyper the next, leading to over or under eating, fatigue, lack of energy and loss of self esteem. Some, who suffer seriously, can have thoughts of suicide or even death.

It’s not uncommon for people with this disorder to have siblings or other family members who are also bipolar. If you’re having thoughts of death or suicide, you should immediately contact your health care provider. You may be experiencing symptoms of depression or mania.

The good news is there are medications that can help address this problem and if you stay on the meds, you can live a reasonably normal life. One of the consequences of people who suffer is that they don’t get adequate sleep. There are meds that can help with that.

If you think you have these symptoms, don’t hesitate to contact your doctor.

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We’re Just Passing Through

January 11th, 2012

As we usher in a new year in 2012, it’s bittersweet to look back on 2011 and recall the enormity of the many people we lost, some good and some bad like the Momamma Gadhafi’s of the world.

Despite all his accomplishments, R. Sargent Shriver was best known as an in-law to the Kennedy’s.  Go figure.  And then there was 96 year old Jack LaLanne, the fitness guru who inspired television viewers to trim down, eat well and pump iron.  We’re all just passing through.

On February 27 baseball great Duke Snider passed away.  He played center in Ebbets Field and stickball on the streets of Brooklyn.   Snider, was a Hall of Famer who reminds us of the “good old days” when life seemed much simpler.

A day later, Jane Russell, the voluptuous pin-up girl who set a million male hearts to pounding during World War II, passed away.  My dad, Michael Aun, Sr. and my uncle, George Renard, fantasized about this favorite movie star as they fought to keep America free in the Second World War.

A former child star died at 88 on May 3.  Nowadays, Jackie Cooper may be best known for his role as the gruff newspaper editor in all four original “Superman” movies. But his Hollywood success story started long before that, with his reign as one of the most popular child stars of his generation.

Assisted suicide advocate Jack Kevorkian died at age 83 on June 3.  Kevorkian built his suicide machine with parts gathered from flea markets and stashed it in a rusty Volkswagen van. But it was Kevorkian’s audacious attitude that set him apart in the debate over doctor-assisted suicide.

On June 23, we lost Peter Falk, whose life is best savored by the role he played – Columbo, his signature character, which fortified our lives, thanks to Falk’s affectionately genuine portrayal.

One of America’s true “sheroes” passed quietly on July 8.  Former First Lady Betty Ford will always be known for her take charge attitude.  She actually chose the people who eulogized her and the subjects they would discuss.  What a grand exit strategy we all should employ.

Former NFL standout turned actor Bubba smith died at 66 on August 3.   Smith, who went from feared defensive end on the field to endearing giant in his successful second career as an actor, was only 66.

Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis passed at 82 on October 8.  Davis was a rebel with a cause- “Just win, baby!” He exhorted his beloved Raiders. He was also a rebel with an NFL subpoena. Davis, who bucked league authority time and again and his teams won three Super Bowls.

On November 30, another former NFL player died. Chester McGlockton, a four-time Pro Bowl defensive lineman emerged as a talented assistant coach and mentor at Stanford.  The former Clemson standout was 42.

Founder and former CEO Steve Jobs of Apple died at 56 on October 5.  I first met Jobs when I spoke to his young and up and coming company in the early eighties.   The Apple founder and former CEO invented and masterfully marketed ever-sleeker gadgets that transformed everyday technology from the personal computer to the iPod and iPhone.

A vibrant IndyCar driver, Dan Wheldon, died at 33 on October 16.   Wheldon, who moved to the United States from his native England with hopes of winning the Indianapolis 500, went on to twice prevail at his sport’s most famed race.  Like NASCAR’s Dale Earnhardt, Sr., who died before him, his death may redefine how racing is done in the future.

Former ’60 Minutes’ commentator Andy Rooney died on November 4.  The curmudgeonly commentator, who spent more than 30 years wryly talking about the oddities of life for the TV news magazine “60 Minutes,” died at 92.

One of my favorite TV shows was M*A*S*H.  On December 7, we lost the beloved Colonel Potter, played by Harry Morgan, at the age of 96.  Morgan never planned to be an actor, yet he spent 10 years on one of the top TV series of all time, made 50 films and appeared on Broadway. He became one of the best-known character actors in Hollywood.

We’re all just passing through.  Our presence on this earth is but a speck on the backdrop of time.

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Toastmasters Teaches You to Never Give Up!

January 4th, 2012

I’ve been a member of Toastmasters International since 1974.  A client of mine, Patrick Callahan, invited me to join in a rather unorthodox way.

Pat was a Lector at St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Columbia, SC and was a member of the Knights of Columbus.  I was his insurance agent and I proposed a rather sizable policy to him.  He counter-offered by saying he’d buy it if I accompanied him to Toastmasters.

I had some incorrect notions about what Toastmasters was about.  I thought it was a bunch of old geezers sitting around toasting one another.  When I told Pat that I would rather not attend, he said “Well, I could shop my insurance around.”  My response was simple:  “When and where do we meet?”

I showed up at the 7:00 a.m. Toastmasters Club in Cayce, SC for my first meeting and Pat was delivering something called an “Icebreaker.”  The “Icebreaker” speech is the very first in the Toastmasters manual.  It’s a 5-7 minute speech where the speaker tells the audience about himself.

I had no idea about the time frame of 5-7 minutes.  So when Pat stood up and waxed eloquently for 29 minutes, the Evaluator blasted him.  Well, I knew nothing about the role of the Evaluator either, so like the fool I am, I stood up and defended my friend and pointed out all the wonderful things he did right.  The club was stunned… at both of us!

Fortunately they didn’t kick either of us out that day.  I went on to become very active in that club and even served as its President the year I went on to win the World Championship of Public Speaking for Toastmasters International.

I competed unsuccessfully for that honor in 1977.   I made it all the way to the International Finals in Toronto, Ontario, Canada and had actually been told that I was winner of that contest, for all of about one minute.  I learned that I had been disqualified because my speech went eight seconds over the allotted time limit.    Oops!

How could that have happened?  I had the speech timed perfectly.  What I didn’t plan on was a spontaneous eight second standing ovation that happened right in the middle of the speech.  Not only was it the “longest” eight seconds of my life, it was the “wrongest” eight seconds of my life.

I could have handled them telling me I was only the ninth best speaker representing Toastmasters International speaking world, which consisted of over 150,000 speakers in some 65 countries at the time.  What I couldn’t handle was the fact that I beat myself.

So in 1978, I went back through the entire arduous process again, competing at the club contest, the city contest, the area contest, the district contest, the southeastern regional contest and eventually the world finals.  When you compete at those levels, you have to provide all the copies of your prior speeches and you can not duplicate your previous presentations, in my case, from either year.

One thing was for sure, I was not going to go overtime again that year.  Long story short… I won the World Championship of Public Speaking in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada in 1978.   What I learned from that process is that you have to go through Toronto to get to Vancouver.  You must understand what defeat is about before you’ll ever appreciate victory.

When I was competing in Vancouver in 1978, I took the time to visit the site of the Olympics where Jim Peters ran the greatest race of his life, a 26 ¼ mile marathon.  When he came into the stadium, he had a 21 minute lead over is closest competitor.

The lactic acid in his muscles all but consumed him.  He collapsed 16 different times on the track trying to complete the final lap.  When he collapsed the 17th time, he still refused to quit, crawling on his hands and knees in an agonizing show of guts… until he collapsed one final time across a white line that he thought was the finish line.  He was 200 yards short of his goal.

Sometimes in life, you fail, not because of yourself but in spite of yourself.  Toastmasters taught me to never give up!

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