Behind the Mike

I’m a typical male… I hate weddings, but not for the reasons you might think. Recent case in point, the Royal Wedding, estimated to have cost over $65,000,000. $35,000,000 of which was for security alone. What a rip off for the Royal taxpayer.

That would buy a whole slew of Tomahawk Cruise Missiles that would be better spent on eliminating some of the world’s dictators who have driven gas prices off the charts. I wouldn’t mind us bombing places like Libya if we’d benefit with lower oil prices…. but I digress.

Weddings tick me off for another reason. No, I don’t mind attending them and in fact enjoy weddings as long as they start within an hour of the stated hour and don’t go all day long.

No, I don’t mind buying the happy couple a gift because I know that the gift I give them will be remembered 75 years from now if they haven’t killed each other or divorced each other prior to that time. How can I be so sure my gift will be the most remembered? Forty years of experience of buying wedding gifts, that’s how.

I know you’re waiting with baited mental breath to learn what’s so extraordinary about my gift. I almost don’t want to share it with my local readers because I have locks on this particular “gift market.” Okay, I’ll share but you can’t use this in St. Cloud, Florida (my newly adopted home town) or in Lexington, South Carolina (my birthplace and native home).

I take the happy couple’s wedding invitation down to my buddy John at Osceola Art and Frame Shop in nearby Kissimmee, Florida and he uses his magic to create a memorable frame of the invite. I then write a personal message on the back of the frame. A half century from now, they will have forgotten your crock pot or that neat little ironing board you bought the happy couple. They’ll have my gift hanging on the wall as a constant reminder of the big event. My secret’s out.

No, I hate weddings for another reason. From the moment I get an invite to someone’s wedding until days after attending the big event, I get to hear a diatribe from my loving wife on just how crappy her own wedding was. Let the record reflect, I had absolutely nothing to do with the planning of this event some 37 years ago. I had a small bit part; I was the groom.

When the Royal Wedding appeared in April on the tele (as they call it over the pond), I got to hear this discourse for an elongated period of time. Between the pre-wedding hoopla and the post-wedding analysis, I was able to enjoy about two months of invectives concerning my own wedding.

How bad could it have been, you ask? Well, I suspect my wife and I are the only human beings in history to have been married in a men’s room of a country club. I should be ashamed of sharing this but it’s so laughable, why not share it?

We were to get hitched on the 18th green of what used to be the Cold Stream Country Club in Irmo, South Carolina but God decided that the green needed heavenly tears on it, not a couple of hundred human beings.

Plan B, move it inside the county club. The problem with that was that the reception area was set up with the food and the only available spot in the entire building as the men’s room.

With sheets hanging over the lockers (I thought that was a particularly nice touch), my bride-to-be strolled down the aisle with her dad in hand to be married right in front of locker 29. So romantic, don’t you think?

Now you know why I hate weddings. Like the framed invitation gift I give those recipients, it’s a gift that keeps on giving year after year after year, only in my case it’s a gift that gives me grief every time I attend someone’s wedding.

Do me a favor; don’t invite me to your nuptials. I’ll still have the invite framed but send it to my office so my wife won’t know about it. Thanking you in advance for your cooperation!

I called my old friend and former high school teammate George Stoudemire back in the mid-eighties to tell him I had just been appointed chairman of the Lexington High School Athletic Hall of Fame Committee. Naturally, George asked me who appointed me and I had to confess… it was me!

For some time I had felt that someone needed to spearhead an effort to recognize people who had made substantial contributions to the success of Lexington High School athletics over their storied history in South Carolina. Instead of complaining, I figured I’d just do it myself.

Today, there are scores of well deserving athletes and other contributors that are members of the Lexington, SC High School Athletic Hall of Fame including the aforementioned George Stoudemire, who was a pretty fair running back himself.

I recently received an invitation to be the guest speaker for the relatively new St. Cloud High School Athletic Hall of Fame in my newly adopted hometown of St. Cloud, Florida, now in its second year of existence. In addition to speaking to them, I plan to give each family there a complimentary copy of my new book “It’s the Customer, Stupid!”

My son, Cory, is one of the athletic coaches at St. Cloud High School so I have a bit more than a passing interest in the Bulldog program. I’ve done play-by-play for Bulldogs football and baseball in the past and I currently get the privilege of being the ball boy for the freshman and varsity football program.

Nothing is more exciting to me than being down on the sidelines with my son and his teams watching a game unfold. The proudest honor in my own trophy case is the “ball boy award” the school gave me in absentia in December (I was off getting my hip replaced).

In addition to my twice weekly ball boy responsibilities in the fall, the head coaches occasionally call on me for a pre-game pep talk to get the troops motivated, a tribute I also take quite seriously.

Over the years I’ve had the privilege of speaking to colleges and high schools in similar settings from USC’s Gamecocks to Georgia’s Bulldogs as well as scores of high schools in South Carolina, Georgia and Florida. I always consider these speaking engagements as some of the most important that I’ll ever do in my life. I get the opportunity to shape the way kids think about winning and losing and competition.

Hall of Fame recognition probably says more about the group doing the honoring than the persons receiving the honor. In the speaking business, we often say a standing ovation says more about the audience than it does the speech. I feel we have an obligation to remember our heritage and to honor those who preceded us.

I’ve had the pleasure of receiving the Toastmasters International Hall of Fame award, which actually came with the trophy when I won the World Championship of Speaking for the organization way back in 1978 (before most of my readers were even born). Hate to be competing today… don’t think I could win my club contest.

The National Speakers Association accorded me the CPAE Speakers Hall of Fame honor in 2000. You can’t go out and win that one. Only past winners can nominate you and you are selected after an arduous process than goes through an anonymous committee. It took 18 nominations by people like Robert Henry, Al Walker, George Morrisey, Nido Qubein, Rosita Perez, Jerry Coffee, Phil Steffen and many others who kept putting my name in the pot.

I also had the joy of receiving another honor when the Veteran Speakers Retreat selected me along with Zig Ziglar and four others to their “Legends of the Speaking Profession” award. You have to be sixty years old to be considered for that one. Fortunately for me, I turned 60 the week before they gave me the award, making me the youngest to ever receive it.

All of these awards say a lot more about the people giving them than those of us who have been blessed to receive them. In May, the St. Cloud High School Athletic Hall of Fame honors its second class of inductees.

Bully for you St. Cloud High School. I look forward to addressing your group and honoring those who deserve the recognition. As the prayer to St. Francis says… “It is in giving that we receive…” Give them the recognition they deserve and you honor your heritage.

My wife, Christine, is a nurse by education and training. I never got the fascination to the medical profession.

My son, Christopher, is an Emergency Room nurse who has a long list of “who-done-its” that he shares with me about the flow of patients on the night shift at his hospital. Some of these stories literally turn my stomach.

My twin sons, Cory and Jason, were pre-med majors in Molecular Microbiology. Jason finally chose to do his masters work in that arena and ultimately ended up with the Food and Drug Administration as microbiology geek. His twin brother, Cory, is doing his masters in Physiology while choosing to teach science and biology in addition to his job as head weightlifting coach at St. Cloud High School.

What possesses people to pursue medicine and the sciences? I can’t flip by the medical channel quick enough to get to NASCAR or House on the tube. I have absolutely no interest in anything medically related, unless it’s watching House insult his team of doctors. I’m just a redneck insurance salesman who happens to write books, columns and gives speeches occasionally.

Therefore, imagine how amazed I am to see what is happening at the St. Thomas Aquinas Medical Clinic in St. Cloud, Florida. What would possess dozens of doctors to give up their precious time to donate it to a free medical clinic?

What would possess scores of nurses and other medical professionals to work a full day at their regular job and show up hungry, tired and drained to give several more hours of free service to patients who have no insurance, because they just got canned at the mouse house in nearby Orlando?

What would possess dozens of lay people to donate their time to help the indigent and underinsured as case workers, office personnel, parking attendants and maintenance people?

What would possess a company like Sonodepot to donate hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of ultrasound medical equipment and in-kind services worth thousands more to assist in the cause of helping those who cannot help themselves because they’ve fallen on hard times?

What would possess all these people to have to go through the arduous process of being vetted by our umbrella organization, the Diocese of Orlando? Why would they go through being fingerprinted and complete background checks in order to donate their time, talent and treasure to a cause so dear?

I once met the famous Patch Adams on the speaker’s circuit when we were both speaking to a group of medical professionals. I was there to talk about rendering better customer service; Patch Adams was there to be the example of how to do it.

My daughter-in-law, Jessica, has just completed the prodigious process of being accepted into Medical School. I witnessed, first-hand, the demanding procedures she went through of proving to the school how well-rounded she was. It occurs to me that Jessica and all the other people who pursue medicine do so for reasons far beyond my limited brain scope. They do this because they care about others.

St. Thomas Aquinas Medical Clinic sees many new patients each week. Lest you think that most are unemployed fruit pickers who are here illegally, the majority of our new patients are right off the unemployment rolls of major corporations doing business in greater Orlando. One thing is for sure: health care reform reformed absolutely nothing.

So why would a doctor or a nurse give up their precious free time for a cause like this? I’m obnoxious enough to ask them. Color me skeptical. One very prominent physician, who prefers anonymity, told me “This is the one place I can actually practice medicine. I don’t have to punch a clock or process X-number of patients per hour. I can spend as much time as I need to help these people. I actually get to practice medicine here.” My job at the clinic is to help recruit new volunteers and to raise money to pay for the bandages and syringes and other stuff that costs money. I get to sell the message to churches, hospitals, civic groups and anyone else who will listen to our story. In short, I’m a mouthpiece who encourages civic groups, churches, hospitals, people with deep pockets, medical professionals and lay people to donate their time, talent and treasure to our cause.

When we raise as little as $500 per month, it means we can see two more patients who might not get care because they have nowhere else to go. Perhaps the answer is right there in what I call the “customer service prayer,” the prayer to St. Francis. “It is in giving that we receive…”

You just never know when an angel of mercy will appear. There’s a saying right there in the manufacturer’s handbook…you know (the Bible) that goes like this:
“Ask, and it shall be given you” (Matthew 7:7).

I have the good fortune to be working with the St. Thomas Aquinas Medical Clinic in St. Cloud, Florida. The clinic provides medical care for the poor and indigent. These folks, for a variety of reasons, cannot get care elsewhere. They have no medical insurance, no money, and they don’t qualify for other government programs such as Medicaid or Medicare. In short, they fall between the cracks and, for the most part, end up clogging up emergency rooms because they simply have nowhere else to go.

Angels of mercy appeared to help these folks. One was the late Dr. Romualdo Dator, who passed away just a few weeks ago. He and other medical professionals like Dr. Peter Morrow convinced a couple of dozen of their colleagues and scores of nurses and lay people to step up and help with the cause.

It’s one thing to get doctors and nurses to volunteer. It’s quite another to find the other resources for them to practice medicine. Angels of mercy appeared in the form of Monsignor Fabian Gimeno and the good folks of St. Thomas Aquinas Catholic Church in St. Cloud, Florida. They came up with tens of thousands of dollars in donations and a building for the good docs to help the poor who could not help themselves.

Along came other angels of mercy, Catholic Charities and Diocese of the Orlando, Florida. Not only did Catholic Charities lend their 501-C-3 tax exempt status to the clinic, they donated a significant sum of money to help get the project on its feet. They too are helping to do God’s work.

But even the best intended physicians and surgeons cannot practice medicine with a dull scalpel, metaphorically speaking. You have to have proper equipment.

I have no medical background. The closest thing that qualifies me to lend a hand to this project is that I’m married to a nurse and my son is a nurse. I skip right by the medical channel on television. That stuff makes my skin crawl. But I do know how to beg for money.

Money helps us solve many of our problems, but not all of them. Many groups and individuals have stepped up with donations, but sometimes it takes an angel of mercy to really have an impact.

Another such angel of mercy appeared recently on Easter Sunday. Floyd McAuliffe and his mother were attending 8:30 Mass this past Easter. As they entered the parking lot of the church his mom queried him, “Did you know they are opening a medical clinic here?”

They entered church, sat down, and kneeled to pray. Then he sat back in the pew and opened the Sunday bulletin. His mom pointed to the middle of the page where in bold face type read: “ULTRASOUND MACHINE NEEDED.”

“I guess you could say God delivered me to that place at that time,” says McAuliffe, founder of SonoDepot, a 24 year old firm that provides ultrasound solutions. He got his start in his back yard in Kissimmee and moved to St. Cloud in 1993, purchasing a commercial building to grow and legitimatize his business.

“My brother Jack and I own a business where we have access to systems that can be used to help the mission of St. Thomas Aquinas Medical Clinic,” explained McAuliffe. “We’re happy to fulfill the need to provide ultrasound diagnostics.”

McAuliffe and his brother are angels of mercy to others as well, doing work for the New Dawn Clinic of Orlando as well as Osceola Women’s Pregnancy Center, which is part of First Baptist Church in Kissimmee and other pro-life centers nationwide. “My brother and I believe in the sanctity of life, and we do not work for any center that terminates life.”

SonoDepot is a repair source for all major brands of diagnostic ultrasound. They provide service nationwide, but unlike most providers, their service hours are not limited to 8 – 5 Mon – Fri. They work at their client’s convenience, not their own.

“At SonoDepot, we think you deserve courtesy, professionalism and a passion for quality,” says McAuliffe. “It is our goal to provide exceptional ultrasound service and save you thousands in repair cost.”

“Ask and it shall be given to you.” So says the good book. Thank God for angels of mercy.