I’ve concluded that happiness is less about the attainment of a goal and more about a process of what we go through in pursuit of the goal.
People don’t or won’t set goals mainly because they don’t deal with the following issues. Our research tells us there are four reasons why we don’t hit our goals.
- We’ve been told about goals but not sold about goals. Selling ourselves on goals is about visualizing how one would feel after the goal has been accomplished.
- We don’t know how to set a goal. Answer these questions and you are 90% there: “Who, what, when, where, why and how?” Sounds simple? No, because people are afraid to not only ask the question but more importantly they’re afraid of the answer, especially if they’re honest with themselves. All of us want to go to heaven; none of us wants to die to get there.
- We’re afraid we’re going to fail. That’s a normal human reaction. Nobody likes failure unless you’re some kind of masochist.
- We’re afraid we’re going to succeed. That’s right… they’re more afraid of success than they are failure. They don’t think they deserve to reach their goals.
A reporter once asked John Kennedy if he would accept the Vice Presidency (if he could be guaranteed not to lose) as opposed to running for President and possibly getting beat. I never forgot Kennedy’s response: “Why should I accept number two when number one is available?”
That’s how life is. All of us from time to time accept mediocrity when greatness is on the horizon. Why? Perhaps it’s because it’s convenient, easy or we become downright lazy.
We should set and pursue goals in our lives not exclusively for what attaining them does for us but for what the pursuit of the goal makes of us. It makes you a better person, especially if you fail along the way. Failure is the single best teaching tool known to man. It provides a wealth of information for future decisions on how “not” to do a particular thing.
Having said that, don’t get good a failing. Set deadlines for measurable progress in a reasonable time frame. How long is it reasonable for your child to spend in the first grade? Conventional answer, one year. There are exceptions but we need to make measurable progress during a reasonable time slot.
For 95% of the population, goal setting Sucks with a capital “S”. Take the most common goal most people set- losing weight. It’s also the goal we give up on the quickest. It’s human nature to build, protect and conserve what’s yours, right? When you lose something, what is your natural response? You find it back.
Mind you this comes from a professional weight loss sufferer, yours truly. Forgive the personal reference here, but I’ve lost a dozen human beings in my lifetime, only to find that two dozen returned. I was the poster boy for every weight loss program on the planet and none worked.
Finally, I cheated; I had a bariatric by-pass and lost my last human being, a 150 pounder who fortunately has not found its way back into my life.
If you go back to the original four points I made at the outset of this blog, you’ll notice in point two I mention answering the questions “Who, what, when, where, why and how?” Before my surgeons approved my procedure, they made me address those questions.
- I had to document every weight loss program I had ever gone through.
- I had to see a shrink to discuss why I was eating myself into a grave.
- I had to visit a pulmonologist to discuss breathing issues.
- I had to have a heart cauterization.
- I had to have my personal doctor and my endocrinologist sign off on the procedure.
The list went on and on. Why? The docs wanted to have all the questions answered before putting me under the knife. Using my situation as a backdrop, try to vicariously identify that goal setting is as much about asking the right questions as it is about getting the right answers. Yogi Berra once said, “Don’t ask a wrong question!”
Another colloquialism you’ve heard a thousand times is “Beware of the goals you set for yourself for you may attain them.” Worry less about the achievement of your goal and more about what it will make of you in the process.
